Volcanic

Haiku: Gin

It’s a day like this

That I started drinking gin

In hopes things would change

I do not get sad

When things do not go my way

I get really mad

An illusion oasis 

I’m not delusional

But I’m impatient

Sand slipping through my fingers

Running down the endless hourglass

Waiting for the sun to drop

In the red dawn

The hands on the clock stood still

Because they knew I wanted 

Time to go by

Because they knew I wanted

To be understood

And in a cruel game they

remained ever silent

Torturing me at twilight

Because they thought the sun

Would be better for me

Than the moon

I begged for a moment

Or at least an explanation

But all they gave me

Was a fistful of anger

And a challenge

I’m not ready to take on

Just know that I’m not trying to break your heart

I just want to feel your wrath

And you should know when I push you

I expect you to hit back

He was an easy come easy go,

Drifter in the forest.

A here and there and everywhere

Kind of lover.

Silver hair & golden eyes,

Fists like nails,

Hammered in my skull.

His touch turned

Even the purest of nature,

Into a filthy kind of capital

At my heart’s expense.

I begged and I prayed

To him

But I was on my knees for the wrong god.

Love to you is a sadistic game

Predator, hunter, man with no shame.

Under the waning moon I heard your roar

Forget moderation you’re calling for more

Love to me is a brutish play

Composed in the most perverted way

Morals of a viking, ruthlessness of a gaul

Because love would otherwise become so benal

I’ll confess to laughing

when I saw you catch a glimpse

of my pale flesh 

in between the hem of my skirt

and my white stockings

But I swear

I see you in a kindred fashion

with humor and chance

You’re inept

and you fall short of what

they want for me

You’re ferel

and you can’t keep your hands to yourself

But you’re an olive tree

and from your branches

I found resolution

Stop counting and calculating 

the days ahead of you

because they’re fixed

I can give you a boundless sunset

and an indefinite moon

in a bargain

I covet your breathe

and your spirit

and everything you had

but never used.

You shouldn’t open your mouth

Because you sound like such a fool

To judge situations so south

Because you’re insecure and cruel

Tell me the difference

between 

losing something 

that makes you whole

and 

never being whole

because 

you wake up each bloody morning

aching 

I am afraid of failing myself.

I look to all those dusty books sitting on that broken shelf,

And I am afraid I’m a fool.

I don’t want to be the rusted tool

That was left out in the rain for too long.

I don’t want to be a bird without a song.

Please

I am human

I beg of you

I am alive

I can’t show you

my mind

or spirit

But I promise

I am human

I’m not an empty person

I’m not half a soul

Situations can always worsen

I can lose control

An absent smile

Doesn’t translate to a broken heart

Sadness does not beguile

Blind wrath is my weakest part

Surreptitious ghost 

dominating my dreams

crawling your way under my eyelids

when will you reach daylight

I want you to feel the warmth of the sun

and the heat and beat of my chest

Arcane devil

silk cape 

black magic illusions

spinning in my head

demon, find the brazen way

from bronze in the basement

to marble in the light